Masks

Last year in Stevens I was *blessed* to have Ms. Stevens for English. Don't get me wrong, she was a very nice lady. She just wasn't a very good English Teacher. Looking back, however, I can remember one good thing that she taught us. It was the metaphor of a mask. In a distorted sense of the word, we all wear masks. We change our appearance and how we act according to the setting, the people we are with, etc. At any given time, we could change our mask, our dispostion, and become, essentially, a different person.

I have been reflecting on my own masks today. Do the masks I wear give me a bad name? Do the masks I hide behind really reflect what I am on the inside? Do my masks make me a different person altogether? What masks hurt me, and how can I change that? Should I have to change the masks I wear for different people? All of these questions have really made me ponder myself. I have really tried to find inside myself the real me, and then compare that blurred image with the masks that I wore throughout the day.

I shall now attempt to lay out for you how I really see myself -- my real self, without the maks. I am going to be completely honest here, so don't think I'm being egotisctical or anything. This is deep folks. Here we go, this could get messy. *Deep breathe, cracks knuckles*

At the very center of all of us is what I know as the Natural Man. It is what makes us human. It is what makes us prone to mistakes. It is what makes us capable of sin, what keeps us from being perfect. It is inside of all of us merely because of our bodies of flesh and blood. All of the sin we commit can be linked back to our own body in one way or another. We all naturally have a tendency to sin, and one of our main purposes for being here on Earth in this life is to conquer that natural man inside of us. What makes us who we are is how we deal with the natural man inside of us.

The other factor at the center of our being is our personality. It determines the way we react to things. It is ingrained in our soul, it defines who we really are. It marks us as individuals. It is what makes no two people the same. We'll come back to this idea later. For now, back to the natural man.

I try to live my life the way that I have been taught to live it. I read my scriptures, I go to church and seminary, and everyday I do my best to honor my Priesthood, as every young man who holds that authority should. Now that I think of if, the Priesthood really is at the root of my motivations in life. My Priesthood connects all my ideas, all my beliefs, my intentions. The ideas presented in the Purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood are guildlines in which I try to follow daily to help put off the Natural Man inside of me. The Purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood are to:

• Become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and live its teachings.
• Serve faithfully in priesthood callings, and fulfill the responsibilities of priesthood offices.
• Give meaningful service.
• Prepare and live worthily to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and temple ordinances.
• Prepare to serve an honorable full-time mission.
• Obtain as much education as possible.
• Prepare to become a worthy husband and father.
• Give proper respect to women, girls, and children.

These ideas give shape to my day. They effect how I act around people, especially around young women. They change the way I treat them, because they change the base instinct, that given to me by the natural man, from a carnal instinct to something sacred. When I am around young women at school, the thing I always try to aim for, first and foremost, is respect. I beleive that young women hold something sacred, something profound. It is up to us as young men to honor and respect the young women for who they are. Its not just about hold open doors for them. Its not just being nice to them. Its about treating them with the respect that they deserve.

When a young man does not honor and respect a young woman for who she is, then respect is lost on both sides, and a relationship of any kind cannot form. I really beleive that friendship between opposite sexes at any age is based upon how the man treats the woman. I always try to be as kind as I can towards the young women at school, because it is something that I have a desire to do. I always try to give young women their space. I feel that intimate or close contact -- outside of a friendly hug -- with a young woman is inappropriate; in my mind, it does not portray the respect that a young man should have for a young woman. Overall, I know that by being as courteous, kind, helpful, and true to our female friends, trust can be built, and everything else in those relationships can fall into place.

With that being said, I would like to revert to my topic for this post. What are my masks? I think that my masks I wear are the ways that I put off the natural man inside of me. We all have the tendencies to be carnal, and through law, order, common sense, and motivation, we are able to mask that carnal side of us and become more respectable. The ways that we behave either mask our base instincts or mask our personality.

Let me explain.

Reflecting back on my day, I realized just how much I mask myself at school. I am always trying to wear my "respect for young women" mask. I am always trying to mask my most base instincts concerning girls, and I try to give them the respect they deserve. This would be ideal, except for one thing: I beleive that this mask has begun to mask not only my natural man, but my personality as well. I feel that in my attempts to always respect the young women around me, I can never really connect with any of them because I am afraid of insulting or turning them away with my personality. I act very unusual around the opposite sex. I think some random side notes from Pride and Prejudice would fit here. Ahem...I alter my personality to try and fit the perfect "Mr. Bingley" appearance, the Mr. Nice-Guy who all the ladies love. By doing so, my real personality is masked, like poor Mr. Darcy. He means good, but he is just too stupid to figure out that he has to not only be a gentleman, but himself to make his impression and show who he really is. I lose my personality in the depths of the respect for young women, and find myself making a complete idiot of myself. I guess a kind idiot is better than a rude rich dude, right?

So, the way I see it, I have two options: A) I rewrite the Pride and Prejudice of my life, and respectfully introduce myself as the real me to the female population of the world, and flatter said Elizabeth Bennetts right from the start of the book, or B) I continue on with life as it is, and hope that my story ends the same as Mr. Darcy. Frankly, I need a new mask. One that fits me better; one that masks my natural man and lets my personality shine through. Bear with me o respectable young women. Once I find me a mask that fits me just right, things will be different. For now, just try to be my friend, as I shall try to be yours.

Now, I have written of but one of my many masks, and have covered only one of the Purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood. Alas, it is late and I must retire. Hopefully this post made sense, I had one heck of a time trying to write it. The ideas were all in my head, but I couldn't group those ideas into sentences and paragraphs very well. It either made perfect sense, or no sense at all. If it is the latter for you, sorry for taking up your time. Forget this post ever happened, and just smile and nod.

Expect more on my masks soon. For now, I leave you with this. Adieu.